So days ago, I told Taelor that we’ll be going away for a few days on a mountain retreat. He wasn’t sure what a retreat was, so I took a moment to explain.
Some dictionary definitions are:
- move back or withdraw. (verb)
- withdraw to a quiet or secluded place. (verb)
- change one’s decisions, plans, or attitude, as a result of criticism from others. (verb)
- a quiet or secluded place in which one can rest and relax. (noun)
- a period of seclusion for the purposes of prayer and meditation. (noun)
I love some of these definitions because they cover a bit of what I had in mind when I decided that we needed to go on this retreat.
Recently, I’ve been stepping up a little more in my walk with the Lord. I absolutely love the Lord, but realize that I’ve not really spent a lot of time showing that publicly. I rarely give Him (God) the focus and attention He deserves as my creator and savior. In addition to that, I haven’t really shared my faith with the little one. As important as he is to me, and as important as God is to me, it felt right that I introduce them both to each other. So, I feel it calls for some time together to focus, that way I can really share with him the truth of things.
He seemed a little nervous. I think he was worried that I was expecting him to change overnight or to magically believe in things he never thought he could. I am so familiar with such a concern, and so it bothered me that he would become weary and might even withdraw from me. So I took some time to talk to him further and really get across how I don’t expect anything other than an open mind.
You see, it isn’t my job to convict hearts or to even make him believe. That’s God’s job. Mine, as his friend and mother, is to just share with him all there is to share, and trust that if it is God’s will Taelor will decide to let him into his heart and be saved. I REALLY believe that if God wills it, God himself will step in and speak to his heart. At least this is my prayer, as it is for you who is read this today.
HOWEVER, what I did hope for from Taelor was an attitude of openness. I wanted for him to open his heart and not harden his heart. You see, from some things I have read in the Bible (the word of God), I know the following:
- God gives us free will. The choice to CHOOSE to love and follow him. And the reason he does this is the same reason you would PREFER someone to love you for who you are, and not what you can give them (as a gold digger would) or by force (as a slave would). God prefers only a real relationships, one where you get to know him for yourself, and fall in love with him for WHO He is – your Father. And…
- God really really really doesn’t like a hardened heart. It’s almost like refusing to learn how to cross the road so you don’t get killed, or refusing to be rescued from a burning building, etc. How can he help a heart that is blocked and refusing to be helped.
But they will reply, ‘It’s no use. We will continue with our own plans; we will all follow the stubbornness of our evil hearts.’ – Jeremiah 18:12
But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. – Romans 2:5
For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’ – Acts 28:27
So you see, that was all I required – him to keep an open heart. It’s not like I suddenly am this person that he doesn’t know. To Taelor, he knows me as mommy…good…nice…smart…kind and a plethora of other good adjectives I’m sure he associates with me. I know this because I know if I wasn’t these things, I’d not be blessed to have him as my son since he is equally these beautiful things.
But as I remain my same self, my heart…no, my spirit is being renewed every day by the power of God, ever since I rededicated my life to him. Since that moment, I’ve been getting closer to the Lord and as I have, I am learning something about how I’ve been living my life. God showed me how my being “good” wasn’t what he considered to be good, after all “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8-9)
You see, God, being holy and almighty, has very different standards of what “good” is, and it all begins first with knowing you can’t be good or anything at all without God’s hand driving your actions. Without submitting to Him, carrying Him, including Him, seeking HIS will in ALL I do, everything “good” that I do isn’t really good because it isn’t done to give Him the glory (aka…props, kudos, acknowledgement, etc).
So it all started by explaining how Good and God are different things. I did this because God had asked me to say this to Taelor (I dunno why…I just did as I was told). What’s interesting is, I have no idea why all of a sudden I would do this but in a night it became clear to me that Taelor is very much on God’s mind. He (God) told me that nothing is a coincidence. Not my meeting him, mothering him. Not even my being in Second Life. And not even my writing this right now. And especially NOT the fact that YOU are reading this very post.
In my heart, there is a movement occurring that is led by God. He’s shaking things up and cleaning house. He wants a step up, a step forward and so as I risked all to share with Taelor. Then I became so so happy to hear him allow himself not only stay in my charge as my son, but agree to go on the retreat with me.
I had so so much planned. But first I had to pack! I knew we’d be heading upwards and there was a chance of snow. There was certainly a chance of it getting cold, so I packed mostly warm clothing and our winter gear. I even ordered a custom made skii outfit for both of us, and I’m hoping it arrives in time for our skii plans before we leave to come home.
Days prior, I’d called a few lodges but to no avail. No space and no availability. But then I met a LOVELY lady who offered her home for our use. Her and two others even. Can you imagine? Three people said we could stay in their very lovely homes…for FREE! Whoohooo! I am excited!
So there we were, it was morning and Taelor had dressed himself and come down. He was still feeling a bit nervous. I love how honest he is about the state of his heart. I truly appreciate it! He told me he worries a lot and often times just can’t help it. I empathize cause I’m the same way. Sometimes I worry about things I can’t control and even the things I can. It once was worse for me, but thankfully, it’s now a lot less worrying. In fact, I can say that I’ve not worried about anything for almost a week so far. How cool is that? Slowly God is helping me trust Him more and let things go.
I can’t wait for a time when he invites the Lord into his heart as I know that where the Holy Spirit dwells, He always seeks to free us of the things that shackle us and keep us enslaved. For the bible says, “I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief ((devil)) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I ((Jesus)) came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.” – John 10:10
So yeah, I talked to Taelor and assured him that the retreat, although serious, was gonna still be FUN FUN FUN. After all, come on…we’re the Mistwallowers! Adventurers extraordinaires! HAHAHAHA
He perked up a bit after lots of hugs and kisses, and a belly poke nonetheless.
He was wearing a Dr. Who hoodie and shirt (made by Vicarious Youth), but assured me that it wasn’t Dr. Who’s. He didn’t take it from him or anything, which was good. Hehehe. Apparently, Dr. Who has a Jelly Baby belly? Must be from eating so many jelly babies. I’m sure I’ve got that wrong, but it does make me smile thinking of a Dr Who Jelly Baby! Yummy!! I would like a Jelly Baby! *nods*
First, we said good bye to our house…
Then, we got to the car that I had already loaded and made ready to go! I even let him sit up front with me, and as he buckled up, I punched the address for the Yacht Club into the sat nav.
Soon we were on our way, singing in the car. We took a few wrong turns, but it was still fun.
Finally, we got there and I put the boat in the water.
We would need to sail for some of the journey before getting a helicopter and then picking up our car rental on the other end.
After loading our things in the boat and pulling out the canopy, we were off on the sea – my little adventurer and me! 😀
We sailed a bit then transferred to a Helicopter and flew over so many cool things as we made our way East from Bay City to Noyo. We even saw a very little island with a very cute house. I wonder who lives there. What a nice place to live out there in the middle of the ocean.
Finally, we got to Noyo and loaded our things into the 4 wheeler we’d rented. It was a bit hard to drive, being really heavy and built for treacherous weather conditions.
As we drove, I talked to Taelor about Adam and Eve, and how come even though we think we’re good, it is because of their actions in disobedience that we (their descendants) became separated from God. He was quietly listening to me, but I didn’t get to finish telling him everything, because I was taking my time talking and next thing you know…we’d arrived at Wengen! YAAAY! It was a long drive, but the time flew by as I talked to him.
What met us on arrival was majestic! We looked in the sky and saw the rare event of the Northern Lights. It was amazing. Never saw anything like it before and it was such a fortunate thing to spot. It moved on and soon dissipated as we sat there in the truck, staring at it.
We soon got out. With the engine and heat off, it got a bit chilly quickly. It was amazing how the weather had changed as we drove higher and higher up the mountains. We’re lucky to be lodging just across from the skii slopes. I plan to teach Taelor a bit of skiing before we leave, for sure! But for now, it was time to get him up and into bed.
I jiggled on the door but it was locked. So we made our way to the other house offered. There Taelor got to take a shower and wash up.
Once he was done washing up, I put him on my back and headed on over to the other cottage that was more cozy to sleep in for the night.
It was exceptionally cozy, and although it wasn’t the first choice, it was an excellent and comfy place to lay for the night. Tomorrow, I suspect, the doors will be open at the first place we were to stay.
He climbed into bed and I behind him. I cuddled him snugly and prayed for the night, before giving him millions of kisses on his head and spooning him to sleep.
It feels really nice to be in this new place with him. The great views, the howling winds (being so high up on the mountains), the snow, then quietness, the crackling fireplace and smell of burning wood….everything. I certainly hope he loves it here as much as I do.
I can’t wait for tomorrow. Maybe we’ll make snow men or ice skate on a real frozen lake. We’re definitely going to have some hot chocolate and marshmallows. That’s for sure, and we will enjoy some Mother and Son time getting to know each other more and our Heavenly Father too. It’s gonna be so much fun!
Stay tuned for Day 2. 🙂