This is the hardest post I have written. It’s taken me days to write a word. My heart is broken and as I write this, I can honestly tell you that I have little care about punctuation or point.
My friend is gone! Quite frankly his love of my blog is the only thing that’s driven me to even fathom capturing this horrific experience.
I will try very hard to pull something positive from this tragedy.
On June 22, 2016, I received the news that Jacob…my dear sweet Jacob…my beau and friend…has passed! The news hit me in the most violent way possible. Peace and sleep has been fleeting ever since.
Without wanting to dwell heavily on the details of the news itself (as I cannot bear to relive that day), I will say that his RL sister (Theresa) and RL roommate/best friend (Mike) have been more than accommodating of our questions. For us he just died, but for them Jacob (Tom) has been gone for almost a week.
Jacob’s SL sisters, Red and Terr, like myself and many others near and dear to Jacob, have been in pieces!
I remember telling my SL mom the news that night. Ironically, she was remembering someone very dear to her who had passed on that very day, so she wasn’t particularly the happiest either. Still she found strength enough to leave me with some wise words. I’d like to say that I immediately applied her wisdom, but I just couldn’t the pain was too fresh and too shocking.
I slept online in Red and Terr’s arms. We held each other and cried all night. But as morning came around, I received yet another blow to my system.
My Aunty Cordelia was dead!
I immediately thought of my mom. This was her SL sister and best friend. They’d known each other for 6 years. Despite feeling the pain and shock of it, cause we all LOVE Aunty Cordy, I was overcome by my own grief of Jacob.
It was the worse 48 hours of my life. I’ve never cried so much or been overcome by so much sadness and loss.
Fast forward to today (cause I am falling to pieces recalling that day), we decided to have a memorial service for Jacob.
Telling Taelor everything was so hard, but he was holding it together and being very brave. I knew he was trying to be strong for me too. He knew that today, all the strength I had was gone. He really held me up with his support.
My mom also, she turned up (along with Aunty Cordelia close to her heart) to support me.
Along with her, she brought my brother (Adam)…
…my sister (Birdy) and niece (Leafy)…
…and one of my oldest, dearest, bestest of friends, Jett.
Now, Jacob wasn’t particularly religious, but he did believe in God. Despite much debate and hesitation, we decided that we would send him off in the most comforting way for the masses.
The program was as follows:
CELEBRATING THE GOOD LIFE LIVED
♥ NADIA SOLDYA / JACOB JEDDA ♥
(April 20, 1979 – June 16, 2016)
Date: Today, June 25, 2016
Time: 6 pm SLT onwards
I. PLAYING VIDEO OF JAKE BY MS. BELLE
II. OPENING PRAYER BY MS BELLE
III. MESSAGE OF LOVE
IV. MOMENT OF SILENCE
V. CELEBRATION OF GOOD LIFE PARTY
Soon his friends were here and I was to conduct the ceremony.
The role of MC forced me to keep my head and emotions under some form of control. It was hard, but I managed to get through the service without crying EXCEPT for the start of the ceremony when we watched the video.
After my prayer, we each took our turn in sharing what Jacob meant to us. To begin that section of the program, I read a statement that Mike (Jacob’s RL bestfriend and roommate) had kindly written and emailed to me.
This email gave me so much peace! I felt stupid for having not read it before hand. Somehow, I felt a bit more equipped to organize the ceremony after reading it.
Orion spoke first about Jacob, but his talk was quite short (he crashed and was later too emotional to proceed – understandably).
I spoke next.
My talk was in voice, but I did touch on the beautiful thing I had read on Mike’s wall about one of Jacob’s ethos.
I also talked about how our time on earth isn’t guaranteed, and how relevant it is for each one of us to make our peace with our creator and each other in the time we are still here.
Taelor spoke next.
Taelor smiles nervously
Taelor: Mr Jaccob gave me somethin’ really special. Special as the most amazin’ flowers ya ever seen.
Taelor: He gave me friendship, and kindness, and silliness, and respect.
Taelor: He let me be me, and made it feel okay.
Taelor: When I head ’bout him passin’, I felt so scared of losin’ what he gave me.
Taelor: I felt like I had a tiny garden, and each of the flowers was a memory he gave me.
Taelor: But now … when I’m lookin’ out at ya’s, I realize I ain’t the only one with a garden.
Taelor: When we share what he gave us with each other, we can make the most amazin’ place, ’cause we’re makin’ it together.
Taelor takes in a deep sigh, then smiles as he lets out his breath.
Taelor: Thanks so much for lettin’ me share this special place with ya’s.
Taelor climbs down from the stool with shaky legs before heading to his seat
Ayame spoke next.
Ayame: Like Belle said, so many of us got to know Jake because we rented from him.
Ayame: I have been in love with Bay City for a long time, but I couldn’t afford to buy land in Bay City until recently.
Ayame: Jake made it possible for so many of us to come and live in this amazing community.
Ayame: We could all experience the Bay City dream, and Jake worked very hard to build that.
Ayame: For more than a year, I worked with Jake and helped build TowerRental.
Ayame: I got to see first hand how much care and thought went into his plans for building this and that.
Ayame: Everyone in Bay City knows of TowerRental, but Jake has been a very quiet figure on the sidelines.
Ayame: He liked to see how people would take to his work.
Ayame: and how they would make it their own
Ayame: Jake was obsessed with cities.
Ayame: Building them in every medium he could get his hands on.
Ayame: I thought I was a lover of architecture, but Jake made me look quite the armature.
Ayame: I hope that he knew himself just how many lives, both virtual and real, he changed.
Ayame: We got something very special tonight.
Ayame: Something most people don’t get when we lost something in this virtual space.
Ayame: We had the closest person to Jake give us a voice, a look, at the other side of the screen.
Ayame: Jake was a very private person.
Ayame: He only let a few people get to really know who he was on that other side of that screen.
Ayame: So, we got a gift from Mike to hear from him just how much we and Bay City meant to him
Ayame: I am, unfortunately, no stranger to losing people to death who I only knew in SecondLife.
Ayame: I guess that’s what happens, when you’re here for so long and when you allow yourself to grow so truly close to people.
Ayame: No mater the pixel count that makes us up, we’re all someone behind our screens.
Ayame: The feelings we feel for each other are just as real.
Ayame: And often, because SL allows us more freedom than RL, we get to know each other more than we would have otherwise.
Ayame: In 2014, Bay City lost Ever… our resident fire-starter.
Ayame: It was with Jake that I shared in that loss, the experience of it.
Ayame: We talked a lot about what it’s like to lose someone so suddenly, and unexpectedly.
Ayame: And I cannot stop thinking about that.
Ayame: Since the loss of Jake was such a shock to everyone.
Ayame: We cannot take each other for granted.
Ayame: As Belle has said, we do not know what tomorrow.. or even today, will bring.
Ayame: Because I am no stranger to loss, I have made a choice to open my heart more than perhaps is advised.
Ayame: I am quick to tell a friend that I love them.
Ayame: Because I never want them to wonder.
Ayame: So, if anyone is wondering how Jake felt about you….
Ayame: I can say, from a recent conversation with him, that his heart was here in Bay City
Ayame: and that
Ayame: and that it was the people who made that so
Ayame: not the buildings.
Ayame: it was all of you, and he loved you for what you gave him. so thank you
Demo talked next:
Demo: I met Jacob and fell in love with him the first time i saw his landscaping
Demo: the sensitivity of his creations
Demo: and the way he shared his passion with thepoeple he loved and hte residents of this city
Demo: the problem was that he was dating my best friend
Demo: so i kept my love for him a secret and we just shared
Demo: i have a passion for architecture and we would spend hours talking about buildings
Demo: and our love grew organically that way
Demo: eventually we got to be together….
Demo: and that is his greatest gift to me
Demo: his love
Demo: because ge made me belive in it again
Demo: organically as miss belle mention…thats how things were with him
Demo: growing slow just like a tree
Demo: but strong in its core
Demo: thank you baby! until we meet again one day.
Demo: Thank you all for your company.
Kat spoke next:
Rest In Peace Jakey
I hardly knew you, a few precious months…
Though, I suspect you are in heaven singing karaoke with M.J. like that night we did at Terragraphy…
Any friend of mine, is precious to me…
Hearing of your passing only reminds me just how short this life is…
Gone Too Soon.
Terr spoke next.
Terr: Jacob and I used to attend Poetry Events and i was always to shy to share some of mine… So today i wrote one for him…
Terr: You give it all you got , Even when it’s tough you never stopped..
Terr: You were humble, perspicacious, brilliant, hardworking.. and that’s just to name of few of many things you were…
Terr: You’re humorous nature brought so much joy in our hearts.. and the energy you gave kept us so light hearted and positive..
Terr: I hold you up for you to know that i love you…
Terr: I hold you up for you to know i miss you dearly…
Terr: I hold you up for you to know you meant the world to us..
Terr: I hold you up for you to know wherever you may be.. We know it’s beyond somewhere by those stars as you always imagined…
Terr: Will always love you so,
Terr: Your baby sis….
Red spoke last.
She spoke in voice and closed this session of the program, leaving us all in tears with her heartfelt story of Jacob’s love.
Following this, we listened to a rendition of the Lord’s Prayer that Jacob was very fond of (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IGN6Fq_mlU).
This was followed by 1 minute of pure silence with all of us facing Jacob to honor his memory.
The party was canceled. It didn’t seem apt anymore.
Demo let the fireworks fly as we all dispersed solemnly to go home.
I still can’t believe this happened. That this day was about saying good bye to Jacob. How can I close out this post? I just don’t know. I miss you Jacob. I’m broken over you gone. I know you loved my blog and that’s why I’m doing this, but I’m failing at making this readable or enjoyable. I can’t ask why you’ve gone, because God decides! But how can I endure living in Handa without you? How can I look across my window and not see you getting into your car to head off somewhere?
I SPECIFICALLY positioned my house so that I could wave to you from my bedroom window. And now you are gone!!!!!
I am so hurt. My tears won’t stop. I can’t even focus and study, though I keep telling myself that you would want me to pass my exams. That keeps me going, but I hate it. I’m sorry but I HATE that you’re gone! I hate that this post could very well be the last one of you. I hate it, Jakey…my beau…my darling…I hate it. I just hate it all. *crying*
My heart is broken! I love you. Please rest in God’s arms. It’s the best place to be.
I have nothing else to say. 😦